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When I Was Young, I Wanted To Be A…

Published
by
krisandro
on September 10, 2008
in My-Life
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Everyone probably has some dream job(s) that they wanted from a young age. It could stem from parental or peer influence. It could have been from a hobby that you have or even from a show that you watched from TV. Some yearn to be the conventional ones like engineers, teachers, doctors and lawyers. Some hope to be the unconventional ones such as dancers, pro-gamers and erm.. pornstars.

NOT THAT I WANTED TO BE ONE OKAY? I am just listing down some examples.

*cough cough*

Anyway, some of the jobs that wanted when I was young are as follows.

 

I wanted to be a… Football Player!

My love for football started when I was 13 years of age. It all started with 4 - 5 guys kicking a plastic ball at a void deck and the gang soon grew to almost 20 people who played almost everyday at the basketball courts and the fields on weekends. I thought I was pretty good back then and went for a football trial for some semi-pro league team. It was then I realized that there were about 1,653,618,273,635 players on that day that were better than me. I hardly made any impact at all on the field and did some tricks that were more entertaining than practically useful. It was of no surprise that I went home with nothing but a bruised ego.

 

I wanted to be a… Model!

Well. This is an awkward one. WAHAHHAHAAHAHAA! During a certain period in my teens, I keep getting compliments from people I meet about my looks and I thought that modeling sounds like a pretty easy job. Let’s just say that reality hit pretty hard and fast for this dream of mine.

 

I wanted to be a… Teacher!

I want to teach classes with lots of hot students. All the sweet young things will all be clamoring over me while I brush them away while maintaining my suaveness. The sexy fellow teachers will also be yearning for my attention as I parade in the office. My Principal will have to be a MILF as well.

I wanted to teach children to better the world!

=D

 

So! What did you want to be when you were young?

4 Comments

Hi! You Look Like a Model!

Published
by
krisandro
on May 23, 2008
in My-Life
.

I went to a job interview today looking all smart and professional with my white shirt, black tie and cuff-links and made my way back home via MRT. I made a pit stop at Bugis MRT because I haven’t had a bite to eat all day long and was very hungry that I could eat a whole cow.

cow-goes-moo

[Image from here]

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As I stepped on the escalator that led from the MRT station to Bugis Junctions B1, I heard a voice from my right side.

“Hi!”

I turned to face the voice and what I saw was a smartly dressed man who was probably younger than me. He then continued after getting my attention.

“Hi! My name is XXX and my company is looking for models with an executive look and I think YOU look the part!“

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Right after he said that, my mind immediately had a processing failure. Krisandro has got bad acne scars, many facial moles and humongous eye-bags. KRISANDRO is NEVER associated with the word MODEL, especially when mentioned in the same sentence. Thats just like telling the beer bellied uncle at the coffee shop that he was made for modeling.

I half wanted to ask him if Mediacorp was filming the new season of Gotcha! or he had a very bad case of myopia and had forgotten to bring his glasses out. And mind you, this guy is quite good looking according to my alternate gay ego.

I had to swallow my puke from my own disgust before I can answer “What?” right at the point we reached the top of the escalator.

He immediately whipped out his namecard and passed it to me while repeating that his company is looking for executive looking models.

As I scrutinized his name card and here is the picture of it.

namecard1

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His name was actually HAND WRITTEN on the card and my 1st thought was that this guy was most probably just a temp guy hired by the company to farm for business. My 2nd thought was that it may be just one of those scams where people go down to take photos to only be asked to PAY for the pictures.

He then said,

“We will pay you on the spot if you do decide to take up this offer. Can you please give me your number?”

I then did what I usually do to retain politeness while ending the sales talk.

“Sorry. I can’t give you my number. If I am interested, I will give you a call.”

“But we are looking for models URGENTLY. Can you give me your number?”

This is where many Singaporeans fail. I conducted surveys before and its amazing how easily Singaporeans give up their personal information such as full name, IC no. and address. And the same people would complain when they have telemarketers call them up to solicit for business/scams. “HOW THEY GOT MY NUMBER AH?”

*smacks head*….

I then repeated my answer to him in a polite but firm manner.

“Hey Kirin right? I really can’t give you my number, but I will call you if I am interested.”

I worked my dimples and walked away.

Harlo! No means No! Don’t think you can get my number easily hokay! If this would have been conversed on the internet, all you’ll be getting is…

“KThxBye!!!“

19 Comments

My Next Job. Supermodel Booty Lotion Applier

Published
by
krisandro
on April 3, 2008
in Entertainment
.

[ad]

gisele-bundchen

Gisele Bündchen is a Brazilian supermodel and is also reported by Forbes to be the highest paid supermodel in the world today. Singaporeans may best remember her as one of Victoria’s Secret models and her role as a villain in the movie Taxi.

taxi-movie gisele-taxi

Now, when you are a supermodel and you are reported to be $150 million dollars rich, you can basically hire almost anyone to do anything for you.

Like…..

…..applying lotion on your ass for you.

gisele-bundchen-ass-500x748
(Click to enlarge) More pics at The Blemish.

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Probable Job Requirements for Supermodel Booty Lotion Applier(a.ka Ass Wiper):

1. Male
2. Good Hand to Ass Ratio
3. Able to multi-task(must wipe left ass in anti-clockwise and right ass in clockwise direction)
4. Able to stoop for long durations
5. Able to maintain accuracy (to follow Gisele’s butt when she walks and jiggles her bum bum)
6. Gay
7. If not gay, sign in Appendix A form for consent to surgically remove penis
8. [Optional] Sign again in Appendix B form to donate removed penis to Cannibals Anonymous Group

Hands up for those who want that job!

2 Comments