Life is a Joke, Laugh at it!!!
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Just got this from my mailbox!
The popular web community that connects people who live near each other is now…
FREE!!!
No more paying $2 each year for subscription and verification. All you cheapskates can now verify your account by registering a valid mobile number with the service.
You people can save that $2 and buy yourselves an extra plate of chicken rice each year!
Ain’t that GREAT?
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A friend and I were having this WLM conversation. What’s WLM? Windows Live Messenger lar. You all still MSN here MSN there.
Anyway, this friend of mine is hereby called ‘dude’ to protect his identity.
Dude: “Eh, I am tired of all these cm VS inches, kilometers VS miles, kilograms VS pounds SHIT!!!”
Me: “Why? It’s always been like that wad.”
“I just can’t stand it what! Why can’t the world just agree on ONE UNIVERSAL metric system?”
“Erm…. I think I have the solution. You wait ah…..”
.
After 5 mins of Google-ing….
“Okay. I am back.”
“Where the *toot* did you go?”
“Just needed some facts before I present to you my solution.”
“So? What shit have you got for me this time?”
“Dicks.”
“WTF?”
“Dicks. We shall now measure the world in dicks.”
“Given that the average size of a dick is 5 1/2 inches long, we shall derive lengths and distances from it.”
“…………….”
“It works! And It will make math classes interesting!”
“…………………….”
“Lets practice! I ran 21474 and 1/2 dicks today!!!”
“LOL”
“To complete a marathon, you must run 300644 dicks.”
“And YOU’RE A DICK.”
“No I’m NOT! But I am 12 and 1/2 dicks tall. :D”
.
Oh, and I found this “WORLD Women’s Survey” which has this interesting part below.
.
8.5″ and beyond?
Flings with HORSES don’t count leh!
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You know when there are days when everything seems wrong? When luck seems to forget your existence and you start to wonder if “Murphy’s Law” was written with you in mind?
I had such a day!
Realized at 12:00am that I might miss the last bus to Yio Chu Kang MRT at 12:05am. 
Sprinted to the bus stop as though I am chased by a naked man with a 9″ vibrator. 
Reached bus stop at 12:04am and felt smug. 
Looked at bus details and realized that last bus was actually at 12:15am. 
Sat down and waited for bus for 10mins when I actually could have spend the time chasing somebody else with a 9″ vibrator. 
Saw an empty bus approaching and stopped.
Empty bus opened both the front and back doors for 10 seconds. 
Empty bus closed doors and went off. 
I burst a nut trying to not laugh in public. 
I burst the other nut when I realized that ‘people down there’ might have had elections and the new ‘gahmen’ decide to make the ‘gates’ open earlier in advance.
Boarded the last bus to the MRT.
Felt smug again.
MRT got no more bus to Jurong East. 
Mumbled to myself and walked 200m to main road to hail a cab
Looked back and realized that there is already a cab waiting BACK AT the MRT station entrance.
Mumbled somemore.
Reached home at 1:00am.
Decide to jog to UOB bank to deposit money.
After 2km, I reached the Cash Deposit Machine(CDM).
Felt smug again.
ONLY CDM in the whole FREAKING bank is out of order. 
Jogged/walked/crawled 2km back home. 
…………
…..
..
Will think twice about feeling smug again.
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On the day that we celebrated our 8th month-sery, I met up with Ruifang at her workplace. You guys know how many women are like. Decide yourself on a place to eat and she will say that you are a dictator and you don’t ask for her views. Ask her to think of a place for dinner and she will think until it’s breakfast the next day. So, one of the best ways to minimize the mentioned situations is to think of two or three choices and ask her to choose one.
TADA!
Time is cut short because there is only a few choices. She after deciding, gets smug and happy, thinking that she made the choice. You, even happier, knowing that you made the choices in the 1st place.
You are happy, she is happy = *wink wink*
Now that I revealed my trick, I am so dead. You guys better appreciate my teachings.
Anyway, my her choice was Lai Lai Family Restaurant at Liang Seah Street. It was the first time *blush* for us at the restaurant. We ordered the Beef Noodle Soup set meals which came with a side dish and bubble tea. I would have said, “Oh! When the bowl was set on my table, I was able to SMELL the lack of 5 specks of pepper in my soup and Ruifang’s soup is boiled for 3 minutes and 21 seconds too long!”
But alas, I am no food expert. I can only say. Not nice leh.
Anyway, if you didn’t know. Ruifang looks like this below.
Funky eh? Got style one okay.
While waiting for our food to arrive, I presented her with the postcard I designed.
She was so touched till she wept openly and said that I am the best thing since sliced bread and dedicated her undying love to me.
.
I looked away for a moment and turned around to find……
.
She did not speak and I babbled away.
“WHO ARE YOU?”
“WHERE’S MY GIRLFRIEND?”
“I DUNCH SPEAK KOREAN!”
“ER…. KARM SUM HA ME TA????”
“ARGHHHH!! GO AWAY LEH!!!!”
.
And then she stared at me for the longest one minute of my life and……..
She smiled……
Me:”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
.
In case you are still reading this and you are gullible enough to believe me; This entry is fictitious from the line that reads ‘She was so touched till she wept openly and……
I am sorry that I wasted 5 mins of your life.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!
When I pay Gahmen late by 1 month, they give me fine! Why last time when I pay them 3 months in advance, I never get discount???
Well, she is not ALWAYS wise though, like that time when she nagged at advised me to tidy up my computer table. LOL.
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