k r i s a n d r o

[Image from flickr]

After attending a wedding on Saturday, discussing about love on a friend’s car and reading about Xinyun’s post here and Limetouch’s post here, I decided to bring up this theory of mine that I once blogged about in my old website.

First of all, I will to define the meaning of “The One”. It might be different from what you have in mind but here it is anyway.

“‘The One’ is the one person who is perfectly suited for you. Humans are imperfect, just like jigsaw puzzles, made of protruding and intruding edges. ‘The One’ doesn’t have to be the most good looking, the most intelligent, the richest nor the kindest, but the very one who will fit on you like a perfect jigsaw piece. “

- krisandro

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[Image from flickr]

I am not saying that if you like to fart and ‘The One’ will like to smell lar, but you do get my definition don’t you?

Religious people, put aside your god for a few minutes as you read this post. You guys tend to believe that the dude “up there” has something in store for you and “The One” is destined to meet you in 7 months, 14 days, 33 mins and 20 secs later because it’s in god’s schedule. The both of you will then see each other and then god will like whisper in your head to tell you that he/she is the one. Of course twitter might get popular up there by that time and god might use that to tell you.

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To really get my theory across to you. Let’s just say that you are a 25 yr old straight male and assume the following which may very well be correct or close to the truth anyway.

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Every person in the whole world is unique.

There is currently 6,602,224,175 people in the world right now.

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The sexes are divided equally.

3,301,112,088 people are women.

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15% of women are lesbians (I am being optimistic here).

2,805,945,275 women are straight.

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Assuming everyone lives to a hundred and you only accept women who are your age or 3 years your senior or junior. 93% of the straight women are not within your age range.

196,416,170 straight women are within your accepted age range.

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Lets just assume that for every 1000 straight and correctly aged women you meet, only ONE is suitable to date. Suitability in this sense means that she meets the MINIMUM standards in the usual factors like looks, intelligence, wealth, personality, etc…)

0.1% of 196,416,170 = 1,964,162 women.

That is ONE MILLION, NINE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO women in the world who are straight, of your age range and meets your minimum requirements of what you look for in a woman.

And we all know that everyone needs to date a person for sometime before you can really tell if the both of you fit each other like gloves.

So, unless you have met and dated 1,964,162 women in your lifetime, you will NEVER find the one. Unless it’s by PURE LUCK.

So, what gives? I just feel that, at some point in time, you will have to see a person and say,

“Hey, she/he may not be the “The One”, but he/she is definitely good enough for me to love for the rest of my life and I am going to work at it to see that I increase the odds of it ever happening”

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I realize that I might be digging a grave for myself but I just need to let this out. For such a long time now, people especially women, have very strong feelings against plastic surgery. When I say strong feelings, I do mean the negative kind. Like……

“WAH LAU! She confirm plus chop plus guarantee went for plastic surgery lor! Her boobs big like watermelons, her nose look like Michael Jackson’s, her eyes big like Simpson’s and her tummy flat like washing board!”

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Of course the plastic-cised woman is much chio-er than the above, but you do get my point right?

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My message is, it’s a bit wierd to me when the all ‘natural’ woman who spots hair extensions, fake eyelashes, colored lens, powdered nose and padded bra points at a ‘plastic’ woman and says…

“She is so fake lor.”

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Some might argue…

“But, makeup and padded bras are ENHANCEMENTS!”

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So, temporary enhancements are okay while permanent ones are not?

“But, but… there are side effects! Health hazards! Her boobs might burst!”

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Technology improves day by day, what if one day comes when there are no side effects to having melon boobs?

“Er….. just CANNOT LOR! She’s FAKE!”

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I am not encouraging people to go ‘plastic’, but I just feel that we shouldn’t condemn those who do, especially for those women who walk around all day with padded bras and call for a witch hunt on those with explode-able titties.

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On the day that we celebrated our 8th month-sery, I met up with Ruifang at her workplace. You guys know how many women are like. Decide yourself on a place to eat and she will say that you are a dictator and you don’t ask for her views. Ask her to think of a place for dinner and she will think until it’s breakfast the next day. So, one of the best ways to minimize the mentioned situations is to think of two or three choices and ask her to choose one.

TADA!

Time is cut short because there is only a few choices. She after deciding, gets smug and happy, thinking that she made the choice. You, even happier, knowing that you made the choices in the 1st place.

You are happy, she is happy = *wink wink*

Now that I revealed my trick, I am so dead. You guys better appreciate my teachings.

Anyway, my her choice was Lai Lai Family Restaurant at Liang Seah Street. It was the first time *blush* for us at the restaurant. We ordered the Beef Noodle Soup set meals which came with a side dish and bubble tea. I would have said, “Oh! When the bowl was set on my table, I was able to SMELL the lack of 5 specks of pepper in my soup and Ruifang’s soup is boiled for 3 minutes and 21 seconds too long!”

But alas, I am no food expert. I can only say. Not nice leh.

Anyway, if you didn’t know. Ruifang looks like this below.

Funky eh? Got style one okay.

While waiting for our food to arrive, I presented her with the postcard I designed.

She was so touched till she wept openly and said that I am the best thing since sliced bread and dedicated her undying love to me.

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I looked away for a moment and turned around to find……

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She did not speak and I babbled away.

“WHO ARE YOU?”

“WHERE’S MY GIRLFRIEND?”

“I DUNCH SPEAK KOREAN!”

“ER…. KARM SUM HA ME TA????”

“ARGHHHH!! GO AWAY LEH!!!!”

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And then she stared at me for the longest one minute of my life and……..

She smiled……

Me:”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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In case you are still reading this and you are gullible enough to believe me; This entry is fictitious from the line that reads ‘She was so touched till she wept openly and……

I am sorry that I wasted 5 mins of your life.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!

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NewScientist.com posted a study on the elusive G spot by a group of Italian researchers. After doing vaginal ultrasound scans on 20 women (of which 9 claimed that they experience vaginal orgasms and the remaining 11 that said they didn’t), scan results show that that the 9 women had thicker tissue in the urethrovaginal space.

You-WHAT-THE-WHAT Space??? LOL.

Anyway, the study builds further on the notion that most women do not have a G spot. And according to some studies, only 30% of women ever have orgasms during sex.

So ladies! Do not fret if your guy or *ahem* toy doesn’t give you vaginal orgasms. You might not have a G spot after all. Just stick to the clitoral ones.

And if your guy can’t even find your clit?

Well……. Use the methods below recommended by Krisandro. Results not guaranteed.

“Hey babe! Where did you say your clit was again? Lemme just mark it down on my map…..”

“Hey babe! How about you go for a shower 1st eh? I need to refer to my bookmarks…..”

“Hey babe! You wouldn’t believe this great idea I had when I saw this cucumber!!!”