k r i s a n d r o

I went to a job interview today looking all smart and professional with my white shirt, black tie and cuff-links and made my way back home via MRT. I made a pit stop at Bugis MRT because I haven’t had a bite to eat all day long and was very hungry that I could eat a whole cow.

[Image from here]

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As I stepped on the escalator that led from the MRT station to Bugis Junctions B1, I heard a voice from my right side.

“Hi!”

I turned to face the voice and what I saw was a smartly dressed man who was probably younger than me. He then continued after getting my attention.

“Hi! My name is XXX and my company is looking for models with an executive look and I think YOU look the part!“

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Right after he said that, my mind immediately had a processing failure. Krisandro has got bad acne scars, many facial moles and humongous eye-bags. KRISANDRO is NEVER associated with the word MODEL, especially when mentioned in the same sentence. Thats just like telling the beer bellied uncle at the coffee shop that he was made for modeling.

I half wanted to ask him if Mediacorp was filming the new season of Gotcha! or he had a very bad case of myopia and had forgotten to bring his glasses out. And mind you, this guy is quite good looking according to my alternate gay ego.

I had to swallow my puke from my own disgust before I can answer “What?” right at the point we reached the top of the escalator.

He immediately whipped out his namecard and passed it to me while repeating that his company is looking for executive looking models.

As I scrutinized his name card and here is the picture of it.

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His name was actually HAND WRITTEN on the card and my 1st thought was that this guy was most probably just a temp guy hired by the company to farm for business. My 2nd thought was that it may be just one of those scams where people go down to take photos to only be asked to PAY for the pictures.

He then said,

“We will pay you on the spot if you do decide to take up this offer. Can you please give me your number?”

I then did what I usually do to retain politeness while ending the sales talk.

“Sorry. I can’t give you my number. If I am interested, I will give you a call.”

“But we are looking for models URGENTLY. Can you give me your number?”

This is where many Singaporeans fail. I conducted surveys before and its amazing how easily Singaporeans give up their personal information such as full name, IC no. and address. And the same people would complain when they have telemarketers call them up to solicit for business/scams. “HOW THEY GOT MY NUMBER AH?”

*smacks head*….

I then repeated my answer to him in a polite but firm manner.

“Hey Kirin right? I really can’t give you my number, but I will call you if I am interested.”

I worked my dimples and walked away.

Harlo! No means No! Don’t think you can get my number easily hokay! If this would have been conversed on the internet, all you’ll be getting is…

“KThxBye!!!“

Review of products and services were used to be left to the experts. But these days, with the introduction of services like Blog2U.sg and Yebber, bloggers are now tasked to do reviews for various things like gadgets, food, shops and etc. Popular bloggers are even headhunted to do reviews for various companies.

I am not famous enough to have companies approach me to do reviews but I need to practice so that when the time comes, I SHALL BE READY!!!

WARNING: All content after the following line are not to be taken seriously. Known side effects of believing what Krisandro says are the following: excessive question marks popping over one’s head; the urge to smash your monitor with the nearest family member you can find; detecting a foul odor that resembles shit that stems from the crap that Krisandro produces.

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Review of FP’s Soft White Facial Tissues

FP is a well known household brand that every Singaporean can identify with. And so it was with great pleasure when a spokesperson from FP called me up last week.

“Harlo?”

“Yes?”

“Is this er… er… KISS-SEND-DO?”

“Er…. its KRISANDRO.”

“Aiya, same same lar.”

“Who is this?”

“Ah! My name is Ah Kow! And I got good news for you.”

“Not interested…. KThxBye!”

*CLICK*

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A few minutes later….

“HARLO!”

“Yes?”

“AH KOW HERE! WHY YOU CUT THE LINE?”

“I don’t like telemarketers.”

“I AM NOT LAR! I am from FP! And we want to ask you to review a product!”

“Orh… say so earlier lar”

“MACIAM I GOT CHANCE TO SAY EARLIER.”

“Okay, okay… Anyway, why you all find me?”

“Oh… we compiled a list of the top 5,000 bloggers in Singapore and we approach the ones from the top lor.”

“Okay! Sounds good!”

“Yah… but we keep kena rejected by all of them. So I don’t wanna waste time. I called from the bottom instead lor. Last name was yours.”

*CLICK*

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Anyway, I accepted their offer eventually and got the product through the mail.

At first look, I found that the packaging was simple and everyone can carry the tissue around without being ashamed, unlike those cartoon-ish ones. It might be a little on the feminine side but there is a little gayness in everyone for the tissue paper to be accepted.

Next up was the probably the most important in any proper tissue paper review. The softness of the tissue paper. You don’t want to have a nice meal and then wiping your face with a tissue paper to only find out that the tissue paper is as soft as an industrial grade sandpaper.

[Image from here]

And since the word “Soft” is written with 50 pt font size on the packaging, it better be so.

After countless wiping of my mouth with the tissue paper, there was no signs of abrasion. I decided to take it a step further and dig my left nostril repeatedly with the tissue. I did not bleed nor had any abrasion but my left nostril seems to be larger than my right this morning. The things a blogger will sacrifice for a review for you readers. *Sigh *

Unlike some other companies who are boasting about their tissue papers being ‘3-ply’, FP decided to stick with ‘2-ply’ tissues.

I applaud their decision based on the following benefits.

1. The package is 33.333333333333333334% lighter than 3-ply tissues

2. It is much easier to FLING the lighter tissue paper on seats to CHOP seats

3. Using 2-ply tissue paper to dig your nose is less damaging than using 3-ply

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Every product always has a big claim on their products. Like “BEST IN THE WORLD”, “NUMBER #1 IN SINGAPORE”, “LEADING BRAND IN….” or “GUARANTEED TO….. IN 3 DAYS!”. FP is no different, and their claim on the tissue paper is that….

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… each package got 10 Sheets.

To make sure you readers don’t get cheated, I counted the number of sheets in the package for 254 times to make sure that they really had the amount that they claim.

They were honest.

In conclusion, FP made a great product with a very classy designed packaging. Users will find that the softness of the tissue paper will lose out to their 3-ply rivals but it makes up with its reduced weight. And most important of all, it delivered its promise.

10 Sheets. No More. No Less.