Forget Iron Man… Meet Singapore’s Very Own Super Hero!
Tan Ah Kow is an average 24 year old Singaporean man who lived in Jurong West for all his life and is currently holding a job at a remote factory somewhere in Pasir Ris. Ah Kow may pass off as a mild mannered individual because of his geeky appearance and squeaky voice but little did everyone know that he was in fact a very angry individual.
Ah Kow was born in KK hospital like most Singaporeans and his parents were clueless to what they would name him even till the moment of childbirth. Ah Kow’s father was having such a headache to what he should name his 1st child until he looked out the window and saw a dog sitting on a patch of grass in the sun.
[Image from Doxieone at flickr]
Ah Kow’s father ran to his wife, excited at the name he discovered for his child.
“DEAR! I KNOW ALREADY!”
“Know what? I am trying to sleep leh!”
“Sleep for what? Its NOON!”
“Dear… Imaging carrying a something in your belly till it grows to a weight of 20 pounds and the size of an American football and at the end of 9 months you need to pass out that football through your ass.”
“Okay…. I get it.”
“So what are you claiming that ‘you know’?”
“Our son! He shall be named TAN AH KOW, 陈阿狗!!!”
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Unfortunately, there were 96 new fathers surnamed ‘Tan’ who looked out the same window at the same dog that very day. So it was no surprise in this small little country that Ah Kow met 50 of those ‘Tan Ah Kows’ along the course of his life.
He felt worse than being ordinary because of his name and was contemplating suicide as he stood in the hot sun one Monday afternoon outside the factory after lunch. His colleagues have just made fun of his name and left him for desserts and Ah Kow had trouble finding his best friend’s number in his Nokia phone as his best friend was called Tan Ah Kow as well.
Scrolling through the 50 ‘Tan Ah Kows’ in his phone without a clue and feeling agitated, he let out a scream in the blistering hot sun. The sudden vent of frustration gave him a dizzy spell and he realized he was losing consciousness and soon his legs gave way and he blanked out.
Any normal human in the world could have died of heat stroke at this time, but not this Tan Ah Kow. Being Singaporean, he has drank NEWater, queued up for 8 hours for a Hello Kitty and have never tasted chewing gum before. All these factors caused a chemical reaction in his body as he fought for his life.
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Waking up to the sounds of muffled laughters from his colleagues, Ah Kow hung his head in shame as he quickly took leave from his manager and traveled back home. He felt something different as he took the train back. His senses were heightened! He could smell better, see further and he could feel strength in his body! But the most astounding ability he gained was bravery!
Like most Singaporeans, he used to just quietly mind his own business whenever he sees someone doing something socially wrong. The most he could do was just secretly take a picture of the wrong do-er and upload the picture and story to Stomp. But not now when he has BRAVERY as a special power!
With his heightened sense of smell, he detected someone farting in the train, 2 cabins away. He immediately made his way past the passengers and shouted to the man who was pretending to be engrossed in his papers and said,
“HELLO! Why you anyhow fart in MRT and never say SORRY? SAY SORRY NOW!”
“Er….. Solli! Solli!“
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Ah Kow looked around at the passengers and he saw faces of amazement. Feeling pleased with himself, he continued walking through all the cabins and corrected the following.
1. A Chao Ah Beng blasting his music through his phone speakers
2. A group of NSFs who refused to give up seats to a pregnant lady and pretended to be asleep.
3. A horizontally challenged auntie who managed to have a whole pole to herself by leaning to it.
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Upon reaching Lakeside, he knocked down 10 passengers with his superhuman strength who were trying to enter the train cabin without letting people alight first.
Ah Kow hurried home with great purpose as he knows that he has to help Singapore with his newfound powers! Locking his door and sitting down at his desk, he looked at the picture of MM Lee and remembered his vision of Singapore becoming a gracious society. He vowed to shame all Singaporeans that threatened that vision and took out his sketchbook and smiled to himself as designed a logo that he would place on a costume to protect his identity.
“BRAVE SINGAPOREAN”, Ah Kow muttered to himself as he put down the sketchbook and went to sew himself a costume.
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Unfortunately for Ah Kow, the rest of us know that “BS” means something totally different to the rest of us and it will take many years of suffering in his costume before Singaporeans accept what it really means.
[Editors note: In case you all were still scratching your heads at this entry. It is actually for Singapore Movie Fiesta and NuffNang's Singapore Superhero Blog-tastic Contest. Details here!]
