k r i s a n d r o

Elise was asking over in Plurk yesterday for people to tell her something funny and I don’t know why but I immediately thought about this incident I had when I was young. Be warned though. After recounting it, I realize it’s more gross than funny. So if you are having dinner right now, go finish it and have it digested before reading the rest of this entry.

I was about 13-14 years-old back then and I was leaving my friend’s place in my neighbourhood when I realized that I had a tummy ache. Not wanting to go back to his place to borrow the toilet and potentially render his toilet and house hazardous, I attempted to make my way to the lift landing to get down to a coffee shop or my home which was about 10mins walk away.

I barely made my way up the stairs to the floor of the lift when I couldn’t hold it in any more. I’m sure you guys have such moments before. The urge to release is so great that your rectal muscles can do little to hold it in. The release was imminent and hurriedly climbed to the higher floor where it’s quieter and released the contents of my stomach troubles right into my underwear.

Scanning the surroundings quickly for any possible eye witnesses, I quickly removed the terribly stained underwear and it didn’t take long for the devil in me to decide the next course of action.

I left the ‘package’ on the floor and quickly scurried home.

To the residents living at Jurong West Blk 4XX in 1994-1995…. I was young and inconsiderate. I’m sorry.

It was a gloomy evening when I was at a McDonald’s outlet in Ang Mo Kio waiting for KuKuNehNeh. Feeling the need to shit after eating my fries, I went to the toilet and there was only one cubicle for ‘big business’ and I occupied it. After a few mins of creaming the toilet bowl with the processed contents of my previous meals, I heard footsteps approaching my cubicle, followed by a knock on my cubicle door.

“Brudder (Brother)!!! You will take long anot?”

Having the shock of having someone talk to me while moving my bowels in a public place had me holding in the shit that I was about to excrete.

“Errr… Give me a few more mins please.”, I answered him.

Only a few seconds of silence passed before an irritating sound filled the washroomand reached my ears. The guy outside was drumming his fingers impatiently on the hollow sounding plastic soap dispenser. I had no mood to finish what I started and opened the door to find the young man looking at me in the eye and he said, “Thanks Brudder!”

I know he was probably very urgent but how I wish that I shook his hand in response before washing my hands in the basin.