k r i s a n d r o

The Singapore Slingers have a month before their next game on the 5th November against the Malaysian All-Stars and were all given a one week break. Nicholas took the chance to organize an outing with a few of the stars on the team and boy were we lucky! My favourite player, Eric Sandrin and the teams tallest player at 2.21m, Sam Harris, were free to accompany the bloggers for a night out in town!

The people in attendance apart from the basketballers were Mo, Nicholas, Hillary, Daphne, Molemole, Jason, KuKuNehNeh and if you haven’t realised by now….. myself as well.

Eric is a huge man himself who stands at 2.05m in height and already attract stares from the crowd with his presence. But when Sam arrived, he became an instant celebrity and if I get a dollar for every stare, jaw drop and photo request from strangers, I would have made quite a tidy sum from that day alone.

We decided to dine at Newton Food Centre and let them try out delicious stuff like Satay, BBQ Stingray, Kang Kong and delicious dessert like Cheng Teng, Chendol and Ice Kachang. We then drove to City Hall and took a long walk in the heat to the Esplanade and the Merlion and to Raffles MRT where they took a train back to where we started just for fun.

Eric and his girlfriend, Mo

Chopsticks that look like toothpicks in Sam Harris’ hands

Satay will be a million dollar business if he sells them!

This is how pathetic it is when a 1.77m tall Singaporean faces off with them

If you look closely, Sam cast a shadow ON THE CEILING!

Eric trying to sneak on the Merlion

MRT cabins were not built for people of their size

It was great fun hanging out with the basketball stars that day and they were extremely funny and friendly! I have to warn you people on the dangers of neck aches when talking to Sam Harris for extended periods. Wahahahaah!

Catch them in action on the 5th of November at the Indoor Stadium!

I am sure most of you people have noticed the new images on the MRT for ‘Priority Seats’.

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Think you all really know what each image represent? Judging from my observations of the people occupying those seats when the train is crowded, I’m afraid that your perception of the images are WRONG!

Let me educate you peeps.

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Is this image of an OLD MAN?

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WRONG!!!

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It’s….

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Give up the seat to a Pregnant Lady?

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WRONG!!!

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It’s….

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Could this be a Man with a Child?

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WRONG!!!

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It’s….

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So ladies and gentlemen, please do not be frustrated when you see young punks hogging the ‘Priority Seats’. These people cannot find Charlie Chaplin, extremely fat women and ventriloquists on the trains you see.

UNDERSTAND?

The scenario is simple. The Boyfriend works at Aljunied. The Girlfriend works at Bugis. The plan was to meet up and travel together to Jurong East via the MRT and take a bus to Jurong West to have dinner at the Boyfriends place.

Simple isn’t it?

Most would have the Boyfriend travel along the East West(EW) line from Aljunied and have the Girlfriend hop on at Bugis and travel together to Jurong East MRT.

But not so simple for the dynamic duo of Krisandro and KuKuNehNeh (KKNN).

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Through email during office hours

Me: “Dear! Meet at City Hall MRT at the last cabin okay?”

KKNN: “Okay!”

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After work at City Hall MRT

(I alighted the train and saw KKNN siting at the marble bench.)

Me: “Hello Dear!”

*Smooch*

KKNN: “Wah. This train so crowded. Let’s wait for the next one.”

(A few mins later….)

“This train stops at Yishun leh.”

“Yah.. then wait for the next train lor.”

(A few more mins later….)

“EH! This train also stops at YISHUN leh! So wierd.”

“Hungry liao! Just go on it first lar!”

(We board the train)

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A minute after we board the train

KKNN: “EH DEAR!”

Me: “What?”

“We are going Jurong East right? Why are we on the North South(NS) Line?

“EH! YA HOR!”

“WAH LAU! Why YOU SO KUKU!“

“WAH LAU! YOU ALSO WHAT!”

“Nevermind, we drop at Dhoby Ghaut and go back to the EW Line.”

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At City Hall MRT…….again.

KKNN: “Hungry already lar!”

Me: “Eh! Why we alight here ah? Opposite is the EW line lar. But it goes to Pasir Ris. We should have alighted at Raffles Place.”

KKNN: “WAH LAU! WHY YOU NEVER TELL ME!”

“WAH LAU! I DID WHAT!!!”

“HUNGRY LEH!”

“Aiya, I bring you around walk walk mah… Lets walk upstairs to catch the westbound train.”

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At Jurong East…Finally.

KKNN: “HUNGRY DEY! WANT TO FAINT ALREADY!!!”

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A simple Aljunied–> Bugis–> Jurong East trip turned into a Aljunied–> City Hall–> Dhoby Ghaut–> City Hall–> City Hall B1–> Jurong East.

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Do not, I repeat… DO NOT travel with Krisandro and KuKuNehNeh.

Having a regular job now means that I am again subjecting myself to the rush hour where Singaporeans and foreigners come together and rear the ugly side of humanity. I am no angel but I think I might be be given an associate membership into the hall of saints when compared to the kinds of people I see on the train.

Without further a due, I present to you Krisandro’s list of MRT Rules.

1. When on the escalator during rush hour, either keep left or you follow the rushing passengers on the right. Don’t stall the fast lane and tempt me to grab your legs and throw you over the side.

2. When SMRT says they are increasing the number of train trips, it doesn’t mean that you can wake up later. And please don’t look at the screens telling you how long the next train is going to arrive if you have high blood pressure.

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3. If you want to get into the train cabin and you do not let the passengers in the train cabin out first, you deserve to be knocked down by a smelly, sweaty, giant man with huge man-boobs.

4. If you do not move to the center of the train, you deserve to be sodomized by a horny blue whale and wear a tag so that we understand your plight that you cannot move around much.

5. If you will not give up your seat to a pregnant lady or a senior citizen, have the courage to at least PRETEND that you are fast asleep. Stop looking at the lady’s stomach and mentally weighing it against your beer belly and deciding who has the heavier load.

6. The vertical poles in the train cabins are for passengers to hold onto with their hands. If you lean on them with your whole body, I might need to separate your left butt cheek from your right to secure a holding spot and I do not have that much Dettol to cleanse my hand afterwards.

7. If you are blasting your choice of music through your phone speakers, please make sure that your taste in music is at least accepted by 70% of the people who are within earshot. If you are not sure how you can figure that out, please purchase a device called “ear-phones”.

8. The fare you pay for travelling on the MRT entailed you to a limited space. If you need space to hold a copy of The Straits Times fully opened in front of you during peak hours, consider buying an EZ-Link card for the newspaper as well.

9. If you fart or burp in a an MRT cabin, have the courtesy to say ‘excuse me’. If you think people will get angry over it, have the habit of laughing like a hyena as soon as you fart. I can assure you that it will be more amusing than anything.

10. Do not scold me if the train is packed and I am poking your butt from behind. The one who you should scold is the one who is poking my butt. Don’t ask me to push back as well because it will seem as though I am reciprocating.

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Someone I am following on twitter also rightly pointed out that,

“Why is it called the RUSH HOUR, when everything SLOWS to a CRAWL?“
(Please claim your twit as I forgot who said it..)