k r i s a n d r o

When I was back in my poly days at Ngee Ann, I started to frequent the gym because of the influence of a couple of friends. The 3 of us would visit the public gym at Jurong East Sports Complex almost every alternate day.

Some of you guys who knows me in person would go, “Wah! Sure anot. You don’t look like you go to the gym leh!”

I got lazy now.

But then again, it was the gym that helped me gained much needed weight to be normal. I used to stand at 1.77m in height but weigh only at 53kg.

53KG!

That’s like a BMI of 16.9!!! I bet Sun Yan Zi could wrestle me over at those times. At least now, I am weigh at a nice 68kg.

Anyway, the 3 of us naturally made a few friends over at the gym. Chicks and a few muscled men who love to ogle at themselves in the mirrors while pumping iron. One such guy was a beefy and heavily muscled Thai who always helped to spot us or give us pointers.

Naturally, the world is one big joke and the two friends who persuaded me to get off my skinny butt and go to the gym, started to cease their gym routine. I curse at them all the time but to no avail. Seeing results, I still continued my gym sessions despite the boredom of going alone.

That is when the Thai dude start to become friendlier. Smiles became short talks. Short talks became compliments on my improvements and my body. I didn’t really suspect anything as I thought he was probably a friendly guy opening up. And fact is, I don’t want to be unfriendly to a guy who can bench press three times my weight.

The day came when I happen to bump into him in the toilet. It was an afternoon and there was nobody around and odds of someone walking in on us was low.

Thai Guy: “Wow! You look good!” (points at my arms)

Me: “Yeah. I have been training hard.”

“Yeah. I can see that!” (starts to touch my arms)

“Can be better lar.”

“Your legs too!”

Within the space of a few seconds, he grabbed my inner thigh, squeezed it, moved his hand up to my crotch and swiped his palm across my crown jewels and the royal kuku bird.

A muscled man feeling up a straight guy like me feels like me diving into a pool of shit and then proceeding to eat the whole pool up.

Yes. It was EeeeeeeEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

I immediately slapped his hand away and pointed at his face and probably swore at him incoherently as I was quite shocked at that time. Amongst the swearing, I think i did mention along the lines of “I am not your KIND”.

He was either very scared of my reaction and started to apologize repeatedly or he just acted apologetically to ease the situation. He then walked out of the toilet and I only seen him at the gym once since then.

Yes, guys do get molested too. My poor crown jewels and royal kuku bird…

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When news start to report of the world’s 1st pregnant man, many thought it to be a joke or a prank. As people start to dig further into this news, the truth started to reveal and it was in fact….

THE TRUTH.

Introducing…(drum roll), Thomas Beatie, the world’s FIRST pregnant MAN!!!

(Click to enlarge)

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. Not like the PSP story I cooked up.

Thomas Beatie WAS a woman and he is legally male and also married to a real woman named Nancy. Legally male, by doing chest reduction and testosterone therapy but he still kept his female genitalia.

In Singaporean terms the above means he chop off his neh neh, go inject girl girl essence and kept his ‘oyster’ because he don’t want to install a ‘kuku bird”.

Imagine years down the road when his child(it’s a girl) grows up and start to ask of his origins.

Child: “Mummy! I heard that children come from birds called stocks!”

Nancy: “YES MY DEAR!”

“STOP LYING TO ME YOU B***H!!!”

“Er…….”

“Mummy, I actually learn in school today that babies come from Mummies”

“Erm…. yes.”

“Do did I come from you?”

“Er… no.”

“Then from who?”

“From your Daddy actually.”

“So Daddy is actually Mummy?”

“Er… yes but not quite. I am your Mummy.”

“So I have TWO MUMMIES?”

“Yes!” (Wipes sweat)

“So…. Wheres DADDY?”

.

Jokes aside, I think he is very brave to step out and tell his story. Before you all start to judge and ask why he would do such a thing, he actually has a reason behind this. His wife Nancy, fell ill and is unable to concieve. He then stopped his medication and started to have menstrual cycles again. Doctor after doctor that they approached refused to do the insemination for them due to their religious beliefs. Relatives shunned them, people laughed at them. Only after a year that they manage to get an anonymous sperm donor and did the insemination themselves.

They did succeed but complications led to a life threatening event and resulted in losing his embryos and his right fallopian tube. His 2nd successful attempt resulted in the healthy girl that he is carrying now.

According to Perez, he is due to conceive on 3rd July and will be appearing on Oprah!

This is one of those ‘wierd but sweet stories’.

Thomas Beatie, I salute him…her… er… him?

(Can’t help taking one more swipe at her… er.. I mean him )