k r i s a n d r o

Elise was asking over in Plurk yesterday for people to tell her something funny and I don’t know why but I immediately thought about this incident I had when I was young. Be warned though. After recounting it, I realize it’s more gross than funny. So if you are having dinner right now, go finish it and have it digested before reading the rest of this entry.

I was about 13-14 years-old back then and I was leaving my friend’s place in my neighbourhood when I realized that I had a tummy ache. Not wanting to go back to his place to borrow the toilet and potentially render his toilet and house hazardous, I attempted to make my way to the lift landing to get down to a coffee shop or my home which was about 10mins walk away.

I barely made my way up the stairs to the floor of the lift when I couldn’t hold it in any more. I’m sure you guys have such moments before. The urge to release is so great that your rectal muscles can do little to hold it in. The release was imminent and hurriedly climbed to the higher floor where it’s quieter and released the contents of my stomach troubles right into my underwear.

Scanning the surroundings quickly for any possible eye witnesses, I quickly removed the terribly stained underwear and it didn’t take long for the devil in me to decide the next course of action.

I left the ‘package’ on the floor and quickly scurried home.

To the residents living at Jurong West Blk 4XX in 1994-1995…. I was young and inconsiderate. I’m sorry.

I was waiting at City Hall MRT station one evening, waiting for KuKuNehNeh to knock off from work. I took a seat at one of the benches facing the glass doors of the NS line (towards Jurong East) and was busy surfing away on my Nokia N95. Whenever I hear the glass and train doors open from the EW line on the other side of the platform, it’s normal to expect to hear a huge splatter of sounds from passengers who would walk briskly towards the opposite platform where I was, to catch the train heading northwards.

Usually, my face will be buried in my phone’s screen but right after I hear the train doors open from the EW Line, a pair of legs made itself very distinctively different from the rest of the footsteps. I heard footsteps of someone in heels, sprinting towards where I was sitting and I looked up in time to see a woman, probably in her late 30s dashing across the corner and towards the first glass door of the platform. She then stood right in front of the doors with her face just merely inches away from the glass.

You would probably think like I did, that the train was probably reaching but no. I looked up at the terminal and the next train will only be arriving in 5 mins. There the woman was, standing with feet wide apart with her arms crossed in front of the doors and close enough to stick her tongue out to reach the surface of the glass, looking as though she’ll stab anyone with her heels who dares to try entering the train cabin before her.

Did I mention that the train was only arriving FIVE MINUTES LATER?

People-watching during such moments are priceless. I wish I can record pictures and videos with my eyes sometimes.