k r i s a n d r o

I have this insatiable craving for waffles for the past 2 weeks and if I wasn’t sure that I had male genitalia, I would have deduced that I am at least 2 months pregnant.

After devouring a 3 piece original chicken meal and a coconut pie at KFC last week, my stomach gave my head a holler, complaining that it wasn’t fully satisfied with the offerings from my oil drenched fingers. Stomach wanted a nice warm, crispy waffle coated with kaya to complete the meal and so the brain, being weak and all, agreed.

I ended outside a cake shop which must been serving the residents around my area for the last decade and more. I stood 2nd in the queue, with an Auntie in front of me. There were 2 waffle machines in operation and it was akin to watching a higher deity create life as my saliva coat the non-existant waffle in my mouth.

The shop attendant noted my order as she passed 2 freshly made waffles to the Auntie in front of me. Unexpectedly, the Auntie didn’t move an inch upon receiving the holy items. It turned out that she was waiting for 1 more waffle!

Being Singaporean, the usual scenario played out in this situation would have her and me wait X minutes for the waffle machines to churn out a pair of those yummy stuffs but the Auntie turned to me and said in chinese,

“You can have my kaya waffle!”

“Er.. Auntie. It’s okay! I can wait!”

She reached out into her plastic back and held the steaming waffle in my face, “Take it! Waiting time for 2 waffles (for me) is the same as 1!”

“Thanks Auntie!”

I took the waffle gratefully and made my payment and I made sure I said my thanks again before leaving the shop.

It could have been my face screaming ‘I NEED A KAYA WAFFLE NOW!!’, but I think I have met a rare Singaporean with a kind heart and actions to prove it. It may seem like a stupid small gesture but I don’t think many people will do what she did.

By the way, I finished the waffle barely halfway to my house.

I had a very interesting encounter at AMK Hub a few weeks ago. I was on my way to the cinema at the 4th floor of the building and I choose to go up via the lift.

At the 1st floor lift lobby, a lift door opened and I promptly entered it to only realize that the lift was occupied and it was going DOWN. Within a space of a second, my STUPENDOUS mind decided that instead of walking out of the lift to wait for the next lift to go up, why not just stay in this lift till it goes up?

Right before the lift doors closed, a lao ah-ma (old grandmother, which hereby be known as LAM) entered the lift and mumbled a sentenced in Hokkien. Although my dialect is Hokkien, I have much trouble understanding it, much less speak it. Seeing that I am a gracious and considerate Singaporean, I decide to offer help.

Me: “Auntie ah~ Le ai ki gui lao?” (Auntie, which floor do you want to go?)

LAM: “*mumble* *mumble* *mumble* Wu ki sar lao bo?” (I think she meant to ask if the lift goes to the 3rd floor”

Me: “Wu!” (Yes! The lift goes to the 4th storey.)

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Only after the lift doors close that I forgot that the lift was going down FIRST. Having limited Hokkien vocab, I just twiddled my thumbs and hope that she realize that the lift was going down 1st.

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1st Floor –> Basement 1

*DING!!*

LAM: “Sar lao?” (Is it the 3rd floor?)

Me: “Auntie ah! Ha buey lar.” (Auntie, not yet.)

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Basement 1 –> Basement 2

*DING!!*

LAM: “Sar lao?” (Is it the 3rd floor?)

Me: “Auntie ah! Ha buey lar. Sar lao liao, wa ga le kong!!” (Auntie, not yet. Once it reaches the 3rd floor, i’ll tell you.)

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Basement 2 –> Basement1

*DING!!*

LAM: “Sar lao liao bo?” (Is it the 3rd floor already?)

Me: “Auntie ah! Ha buey lar. Sar lao liao, wa ga le kong!!” (Auntie, not yet. Once it reaches the 3rd floor, i’ll tell you.)

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As you can see, by this time, my reply is on repeat mode. My nokia phone only got ENGLISH to CHINESE dictionary. Dunch have ENGLISH to HOKKIEN one. I can only hope that the lift goes straight up to the 3rd floor from this moment while I was mentally stabbing everyone who is alighting or entering the lift on every floor

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Basement 1 –> 1st Floor

*DING!!*

LAM(looking worried and kan-cheong): “Sar lao liao bo?” (Is it the 3rd floor already?)

Me: “Auntie ah! Ha buey lar. Sar lao liao, wa ga le kong!!” (Auntie, not yet. Once it reaches the 3rd floor, i’ll tell you.)

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You know how some people don’t look at a person in the eye directly when conversing? These people tend to glance at a persons face and and quickly shift their eyes away? Such a habit makes you very uncomfortable as the speaker looks as though he/she is NOT but SOMEWHAT speaking to you. The LAM was doing it to me the whole time. And at this moment, she is acting as though I am lying to her and the lift is going to Afghanistan.

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1st Floor –> 2nd Floor

*DING!!*

LAM(Loud and almost shrieking voice): “(HOKKIEN HOKKIEN HOKKIEN HOKKIEN and more HOKKIEN which I dunch understand)”

Me: “Auntie ah! Ha buey lar. Sar lao liao, wa ga le kong!!” (Auntie, not yet. Once it reaches the 3rd floor, i’ll tell you.)

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By this time, she probably thinks that after the lift arrives at Afghanistan, I am going to rob her of all her valuables and rape her 20 times.

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2nd Floor –> 3rd Floor

*DING!!*

Me: “Auntie! Sar lao liao!” (Auntie! 3rd floor already!)

LAM: “(HOKKIEN HOKKIEN HOKKIEN HOKKIEN and EVEN more HOKKIEN which I dunch understand)”

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So, there you go. The LONGEST lift ride I EVER had and one of the times when I help others and end up needing help.