I left the office at 6 yesterday and since I wasn’t meeting anyone, I strolled out to the lift lobby. Usually, I would maximise my full 1.77 metre frame and stride my way out as though my ass is on fire and the nearest water source is at the MRT. There was already two men waiting at the lobby, right in front of the lift buttons, talking animatedly with their arms flailing around and showing that they were deep in conversation.
Using my great ability of ASSumption, I ASSumed that these men were heading down and I mentally tuned the sounds of their non-stop talking down to a little buzz while I whip out my handphone and do what I always do when waiting. Surf pR0n the Internet. Now, there are 3 passenger lifts that service my office building and they go ‘DING!’ whenever they stop at any floor and the sound of that will be heard even if the lift stops a few floors up or below the level I am at, albeit a little muted. So as I stood there while getting my hourly dose of pR0n the Internet, I realized that I am hearing one too many “DING!”s and the lift hasn’t stopped at where we were at. I pried my eyes away from my handphone and looked at the LCDs on the lift doors and then at the buttons and realized…
THOSE IDIOTS DIDN’T EVEN PRESS THE BUTTON!
I calmly reached past the two men and pressed the button with the grace of person who is sitting down after being sodomised and the chatter of the two men IMMEDIATELY stopped as the button lit up upon being pressed.
A few more “DING!”s passed in total silence before the lift arrived and I bet it was one of the longest minutes of their lives waiting for a lift and a long ride in silence down the 5 floors.












