2008 May | k r i s a n d r o

Archive for May, 2008

Tips On How To Tackle The Elusive Pretty Woman (Part II)

Published

on May 16, 2008

In the 1st part, I shared with you guys on how to get the 10/10 woman’s number. Now you have her number and she doesn’t have yours. Being in this situation, what would you do?

1. Call her immediately to see if the number is correct.

2. Call her that very night.

3. Call her the very next day.

[Image from Flickr]

WRONG! Seeing is that she is a hot 10/10 woman, she probably got 10 guys or more who tried to pick her up that day. And let’s just be optimistic and say that 5 out of the 10 (including yourself) manage to get her number. How many of the 5 will call her within 48hrs? All the other 4 would, most of the time. But you! You are different, because you have been enlightened by krisandro and his crap!

Call her only after a week or slightly less. Why? Because, after 2 days the 10/10 would have gotten calls from the other predictable 4 guys. In the next few days, she would be wondering, “Hey, why didn’t the 5th guy call me?”. She may not think of you THAT often, but having just ONE thought, makes her think of you without you doing anything at all. By this time, her interest would have risen a little bit because you are different and a little mysterious. Do take note that it is also important to not wait THAT LONG. If you call her 5 years later, thinking that she will salivate over the phone for you, please wake up your ducking idea.

The next point might be harder to accept. We all know that most girls LOVE to chat over the phone. Most guys bank on that idea and try to charm a woman over the same medium as well. The truth is, studies have shown that ‘communication’ is 55% visual (body language & eye contact), and 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice) and words you use are only a measly 7%.

What does this mean to you? It means that if you talk to her over the phone and you have PERFECT vocal skills and FLOWERY vocabulary and score a 100% on both terms, you will still fail on the overall. Because, the two terms I mentioned only make up 45% of ‘communication’.

The best thing you can do when you manage to call her is to do the following.

1. Say your name and hope that she remembers you.

2. Jog her memory a little if she doesn’t

3. Ask her out on a dinner date on WEEKDAYS. (Fridays count as weekends)

4. Offer a specific date and time.

5. If she agrees on that date, end the call politely.

6. If she disagrees, wait for her to counter-propose.

7. If she doesn’t, propose another day.

8. If she rejects it as well, end the call politely with no hints of calling back.

Let me explain further on the few points. The reason why you only ask a woman out on weekdays for the 1st few dates is because almost everyone values weekends more than weekdays. Weekends are usually for close ones like family, friends or love interests. By asking her out on a weekday, you don’t threaten her plans and increase the possibility of her being free enough to go out with you.

The point of asking her out on a specific date and time is to show your confidence and to reduce her thought process. If you ask open ended questions like, “Hey, WHEN are you free ah?”, she will think about a lot more stuffs other than her schedule. If she rejects your first offer, pause and wait for her to speak. If she does counter-offer, it shows that she is genuinely not free and wants to offer another date. Lots of men try too hard and sound like,

“Tomorrow not free ah? How about Tuesday? No? Wednesday? Thursday leh? FRIDAY CAN? PLEASE?“

Of course she might not counter-propose and you should try ONE more time. But that’s it. If she still rejects your second proposal for a date and time, end the call politely. If you really want to try again, do it again after a week or less to show that you have determination but not desperate enough to call her the very next day.

If you played this right, and she agrees to the date and realize that she still doesn’t have your number after the call. Good for you! Call her again on that dinner date itself to confirm the date and give her your number, so that you don’t stand in the middle of Bugis Junction looking like an idiot. If she asks for your number on the 1st call, its okay as well. But now, she has some means to think about it and may reject you easily with just an sms.

[Image from Flickr]

Scoring the 1st date is just a small step towards the goal of having her as your girl. I may blog about the “Do’s and Don’ts of Dates” when I feel like it. Meanwhile, you all can stutter and stumble your way around. :p

Oh and by the way, don’t hate the girls who say ‘No’ to you that early. Be grateful that you get rejected early than having her hover around and wasting your time with you thinking that you got a chance. Recognize the signs that she isn’t interested in you and move on.

12 Comments

Tips On How To Tackle The Elusive Pretty Woman

Published

krisandro

on May 16, 2008

in My-Views

First of all, I have to say that I am by no means a love guru nor a player who is speaking from experience from bedding all the hot babes from Tuas to Changi. I am just a guy who loves to read a lot on the psychology of humans and especially on BGRs.

[Image from Flickr]

The title should have been ‘Tips On How To Tackle The Elusive Beautiful Woman’ but to me, beauty comes from within and its not about looks. For example, KuKuNehNeh is definitely not a 10/10, but she is beautiful to me. My mum may be old and wrinkled but she is the most beautiful woman I know. So, when I say ‘pretty’, I do mean the ladies that are rated 8 to 10/10 on the looks factor. Of course I do recognize that every woman is different and the following might not work on the 10/10 girl and work on the 3/10 girl instead.

Once again, I will like to emphasize that the following information you are about to digest are of bits and pieces of my reads and observations and not of my own personal experience.

So, you met this hot looking girl at a club, the gym, at your workplace, the pool or even your HDB void deck. One look and you immediately rate her as a 10/10. You would die if you didn’t get to know her. What would you do?

1. Go up to her and deliver your cheesy pickup line. “Did anyone ever tell you that the stars are in your eyes?”

2. Write your number and name and pass it to her without saying much.

3. Secretly take her picture and bring the photo to a bomoh to cast a love spell.

Unfortunately, the 3 methods won’t work 99% of the time, unless you are a 10/10 guy to her as well. Even then, she might not even give two flying ducks about the 10/10 guy.

The 10/10 girl is a creature that have been complimented all her life. She has been bombarded with praises from all sorts of people and men have been pouring in numbers just to know her first name. So, if you are just a regular dude, how do you rise above the competition to even get to know her, much less to win her heart?

First, guys need to understand the reality factor. A 4/10 guy will have little or no chance getting a 10/10 girl. Before all you people that go, “But Kris! LOOKS DON’T MATTER!” start to flame me, please look around yourself. Everyone who is with another always have looks that are within range of each other. Of course there will be exceptions of couples who resemble ‘The Beauty & The Beast’, but that is such a small minority till the point of insignificance. Reality is, everyone, whether consciously or unconsciously, has a MINIMUM standard in how you want your other half to look.

Of course, every guy might over or under-estimate your looks factor and it’s not wrong to just try anyway. The secret about trying is not about methods but about giving up and moving on to the next target when you know the 10/10 is not interested in you.

When you do approach the 10/10 or any other female for that matter, she will immediately size you up even BEFORE you speak. On a scale of 100% in terms of interest, she will put you somewhere around the middle if you are lucky.

[Image from Flickr]

What do you say next? A simple ‘Hi’ will do really. Frankly, most pickup lines suck anyway. And you will actually decrease her interest level if you tried to deliver some funky line. Imagine if she doesn’t understand it the first time and your confidence plummets as you deliver it a 2nd time. If she is pleased at what she sees, a ‘Hi’ will do. If she thinks you look like shit with legs, it doesn’t matter if you can charm a corpse to rise from a grave.

Do not offer your name if you can. Chat her up with something related to the place or whatever she is doing. Keep it light and work on her answers if you can. Have her talk more then you. Girls hate it when you interrogate them as though you are filling a questionnaire. If she keeps answering your questions with one word answers, game over. If she is still not interested enough to ask for your name, you can ask now with the ‘I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine’ method.

“Hey, my name is Ah Kow, And you are….?”

Now, do not spend too much time talking with her till she wants to end it before you do. Chat her up, have her tell you her name or ask for yours first if able. End the conversation yourself by saying that you have to leave and ask for her number. Some women will say no, others will ask why, some will even ask for yours instead and refusing to give theirs.

Do not give them your number. Ever. It will most probably end up in the 1st rubbish bin she sees when you are out of her sight or in a recycling bin if she is eco-friendly. This is the last ‘test’ you can do on her to gauge her interest level on the 1st encounter. If she doesn’t want to give it to you. Don’t grovel and beg or ask why. Just be polite, say it’s alright, thank her for the conversation and walk away. If you got her number and she asked for yours, be cheeky and say, “No. I’ll call you.” and leave with a smile.

Congratulations, you got her number and you said ‘No’ to the 10/10 girl who hears ‘Yes’ 90% of her life.

Stay tuned for, “You got her number, what next?”

19 Comments

The Review That You All Have Been Waiting For…

Published

krisandro

on May 15, 2008

in Entertainment

Review of products and services were used to be left to the experts. But these days, with the introduction of services like Blog2U.sg and Yebber, bloggers are now tasked to do reviews for various things like gadgets, food, shops and etc. Popular bloggers are even headhunted to do reviews for various companies.

I am not famous enough to have companies approach me to do reviews but I need to practice so that when the time comes, I SHALL BE READY!!!

WARNING: All content after the following line are not to be taken seriously. Known side effects of believing what Krisandro says are the following: excessive question marks popping over one’s head; the urge to smash your monitor with the nearest family member you can find; detecting a foul odor that resembles shit that stems from the crap that Krisandro produces.

———————————————————————–

Review of FP’s Soft White Facial Tissues

FP is a well known household brand that every Singaporean can identify with. And so it was with great pleasure when a spokesperson from FP called me up last week.

“Harlo?”

“Yes?”

“Is this er… er… KISS-SEND-DO?”

“Er…. its KRISANDRO.”

“Aiya, same same lar.”

“Who is this?”

“Ah! My name is Ah Kow! And I got good news for you.”

“Not interested…. KThxBye!”

*CLICK*

.

A few minutes later….

“HARLO!”

“Yes?”

“AH KOW HERE! WHY YOU CUT THE LINE?”

“I don’t like telemarketers.”

“I AM NOT LAR! I am from FP! And we want to ask you to review a product!”

“Orh… say so earlier lar”

“MACIAM I GOT CHANCE TO SAY EARLIER.”

“Okay, okay… Anyway, why you all find me?”

“Oh… we compiled a list of the top 5,000 bloggers in Singapore and we approach the ones from the top lor.”

“Okay! Sounds good!”

“Yah… but we keep kena rejected by all of them. So I don’t wanna waste time. I called from the bottom instead lor. Last name was yours.”

*CLICK*

.

Anyway, I accepted their offer eventually and got the product through the mail.

At first look, I found that the packaging was simple and everyone can carry the tissue around without being ashamed, unlike those cartoon-ish ones. It might be a little on the feminine side but there is a little gayness in everyone for the tissue paper to be accepted.

Next up was the probably the most important in any proper tissue paper review. The softness of the tissue paper. You don’t want to have a nice meal and then wiping your face with a tissue paper to only find out that the tissue paper is as soft as an industrial grade sandpaper.

[Image from here]

And since the word “Soft” is written with 50 pt font size on the packaging, it better be so.

After countless wiping of my mouth with the tissue paper, there was no signs of abrasion. I decided to take it a step further and dig my left nostril repeatedly with the tissue. I did not bleed nor had any abrasion but my left nostril seems to be larger than my right this morning. The things a blogger will sacrifice for a review for you readers. *Sigh *

Unlike some other companies who are boasting about their tissue papers being ‘3-ply’, FP decided to stick with ‘2-ply’ tissues.

I applaud their decision based on the following benefits.

1. The package is 33.333333333333333334% lighter than 3-ply tissues

2. It is much easier to FLING the lighter tissue paper on seats to CHOP seats

3. Using 2-ply tissue paper to dig your nose is less damaging than using 3-ply

Every product always has a big claim on their products. Like “BEST IN THE WORLD”, “NUMBER #1 IN SINGAPORE”, “LEADING BRAND IN….” or “GUARANTEED TO….. IN 3 DAYS!”. FP is no different, and their claim on the tissue paper is that….

… each package got 10 Sheets.

To make sure you readers don’t get cheated, I counted the number of sheets in the package for 254 times to make sure that they really had the amount that they claim.

They were honest.

In conclusion, FP made a great product with a very classy designed packaging. Users will find that the softness of the tissue paper will lose out to their 3-ply rivals but it makes up with its reduced weight. And most important of all, it delivered its promise.

10 Sheets. No More. No Less.

19 Comments

Remembering That Interesting Stalker I Had

Published

krisandro

on May 14, 2008

in My-Life

I had this male Taiwanese friend in secondary school who was very good looking, intelligent, suave, athletic and had a great bod to boot. He was so good looking that girls squeal when he walks past and guys would gossip about him.

At that time, I was about 13 years of age when I knew him and I didn’t really notice all the buzz about him but a year later, we became closer friends and went out together with a bunch of guys. It was only on that day that I saw the power her had. He was about 2 or 3 years our senior and throughout the day, girls of all ages will stare at him and swoon. I am serious. Young girls will glance at him and turn to their groups and you can hear all sorts of compliments about his looks. Older women will try to act refined but you’ll see them steal glances at him now and then. To top it off, on that day itself, at least 3 different girls tried to pick him up.

GIRLS! In 1995! Picking up a GUY!!! That is already so rare in this day and age, much less in those times. He would react to those advances in the most nonchalant way, at most giving only a smile and a nod of the head and then look away. What will those girls do? THEY LIKE HIM EVEN MORE! They even approach us as though we were his minions and ask us,

“我可以认识你的朋友吗?” (Can I know your friend?)

From that day, I acknowledged his power and half wanted to kill him while half wanting to be him.

I for one, is not the good looking kind like the friend I mentioned. I was nerdy looking and had a ‘bowl cut’ hair. For those who don’t know what is a ‘bowl cut’ hair, it’s a hairstyle that looks as though the barber placed a bowl on top of your head and cut off your fringe from the edges.

What’s worse than looking like that in Sec 1? I was the SECOND SHORTEST guy in class, standing at 1.52m in height. In Sec 2, I grew to a height of 1.53m but the shortest guy in class outgrew me and so I was the shortest guy in Sec 2.

That guy’s name was Larry. Larry, being the shortest in class had to sit at the front of the class just like me. Larry sat closer the the OHP screen and was always the one jumping for that screen which he had to pull down before the projector can be used. So, for that whole bloody year, he jumped and jumped and before I could plot to chop his legs off, he was taller than me.

I remember taking over his duties in Sec 2, but you guys know how life likes to play jokes on me and I stayed short.

I started to grow only when I was 15 and I was crazily involved in soccer. Me and my friends would play soccer 6 days a week. Mondays to Fridays, we played street soccer at a basketball court near my house and on Saturdays, we would play on the field.

One weekday on the court playing football, I heard a female voice coming out of nowhere shouting,

“KRIS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!”

Me and my friends stopped play abruptly and asked each other if we heard the same thing. We were amused but we couldn’t find the source of the voice from where we stood and continued anyway. For the next few weeks, the same thing will happen every now and then. And a couple of times, I will spot a bunch of girls giggling and running away from the pillar they hid behind where the girl called my name. My friends deduced that they got my name easily because in soccer, names are always being called.

“KRIS! PASS THE BALL!”

“KRIS!! PASS THE DAMN BALL!!”

“KRIS!!! PASS THE DAMN BALL YOU F**KER!!!”

So, that was probably how the girl got my name.

WOOOOO!

Someone I don’t know is screaming my name! Maybe when I play soccer, I look like…..

[Image from nymag.com]

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I never got to see the face of the girl stalker as I was usually very engrossed in my game and wouldn’t bother to go chasing after her whenever she calls out for me. But one day as I was walking from the court towards my house, a voice came from a bush.

“KRIS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!”

I turned around to face the bush and stared at it for awhile.

I started to hear some giggles coming from it again and a younger voice screamed.

“KRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!”

I started to walk towards the bush and called out,

“Hello???”

At this point in time, there were probably 10+ kaypoh people standing in their kitchens, looking out at a giggling and talking bush and a boy walking towards the bush as though he wants to talk to it.

Before I reached the bush, 3 or 4 girls ran away in the opposite direction and I think I saw the face of the girl who was the amusing stalker as she was the only one that looked back at me.

From then onwards, she nor the girls ever did that again. I would like to think that she outgrew her crush on me but they probably got scared after seeing my face at close range.

WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

So, despite not being that good looking like my Taiwanese friend, I had one experience of being stalked and it was very amusing while it lasted.

17 Comments

An Unusually Busy Saturday for Krisandro

Published

krisandro

on May 13, 2008

in My-Life

My Saturdays are usually planned with one or two highlights like maybe a movie, clubbing, an ad-hoc trip somewhere or maybe a dinner with friends. So, KuKuNehNeh and I were quite worried when we had 3 events lined up for last Saturday.

First up was an ROM ceremony for KuKuNehNeh’s cousin at Swissotel Merchant Court. The couple chose to hold the ceremony at the poolside and the weather was very kind. These couple of weeks, Singapore either had blazing, underwear wet-wet, scorching hot sun or downpours of dogs and cats and whatever animals you can think of. KuKuNehNeh remarked to me that the couple were Christians and they probably prayed very hard for good weather the night before. I am such a free-thinker that Singapore might encounter its first sight of snow if I tried to pray for good weather on my wedding. So, don’t say that I didn’t warn you guys when the day comes.

We lazed on the chairs in the cool, cloudy midday and took some pictures.

The couple, Ray & Rachel

KuKuNehNeh’s brother-in-law, Melvin

KukuNehNeh’s sister, Ruiqing & her bf, Wee Peng

KuKuNehNeh & Me

After the ceremony, the guests were invited to a high-tea buffet at Ellenborough Market Cafe. The food was pretty good that I promptly forgot to take any pictures of it and gorged myself like a pig who went through 2 years of famine.

After lunch, we got a lift home from Wee Peng and changed into a more casual attire for a crab feast at Ang Mo Kio Ave 3.

The kind soul treating us is none other than a funny dude called Ah Lee who was celebrating his Birthday!

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH LEE!”

Ah Lee with a present from us on the left and a Gucci wallet from the rest.

The sniff test to determine if its 100% cotton

Ah Lee holding the card me and KuKuNehNeh made

Softcopy of the card. “Don’t worry about being ‘too cold’” is a private joke btw…

Oh, Ah Lee is SINGLE! All you ladies better grab him fast! All he asks for in a woman is only ONE THING! And it can be described using TWO NUMBERS and ONE LETTER.

….

…

“36F”

Ah Fat & Ah Lee

Ah Pui & Shumei

Billy - Don’t let his que-mor(curly hair) and constipated face fool you. This guy can SING!

Ah Lee, Ah Man & Alwyn - One of them tio 4D and I don’t need to tell you who.

Expression #524

Expression #281

Expression #472

“I want 36F! Give me 36F! 36F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Caught in the act

Why do I look like I have a bf in this pic rather than a gf?

After saying our goodbyes to this group of friends, we went home again for another change parade and this time it’s down to Orchard Road!

Leon is KuKuNehNeh’s SIM ex-classmate and he invited friends over to Acid Bar to celebrate his birthday.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEON!”

If KuKuNehNeh is the ‘walking Friendster’, then Leon must be the ‘walking Facebook’. He probably had 1/4 of Acid Bar filled with his friends that night. KuKuNehNeh and I had a round of Erdinger while I waited for the right time to get Leon to drink with me.

Two hours into the night, I decided that it is time and asked Leon to drink with me before we went off. And this is what he said over facebook.