k r i s a n d r o

Before you continue reading this post. You will want to click here to read PART I.

My mind contemplated that it could be one of those dreams I had before in which I knew that I was dreaming. I closed my eyes as my heart pounded hard and willed myself to wake up and only opened my eyes to find myself still immobilized. Time and time again, I would close my eyes to will myself away from this ‘bad dream’.

I don’t know how many times I had to try before I managed to will myself out of that nightmare before I eventually woke up and heaved a sigh of relief. I then moved my limbs around to make sure that I am indeed in the waking world. Looking at the clock, definitely not more than 20 minutes have passed since I fell asleep, although it felt like an eternity in that nightmare. Feeling tired again, my fears from that experience weakened and I fell again into deep slumber.

Waking up in the morning, I did not think much into it and went about with my daily life. Unfortunately, it happened again on the second night. After falling asleep, I wake up to find myself immobilized again and I could see that my surroundings were as where I left it when I was awake. But this time, there was one thing that was different…

I felt an enormous force trying to pull me up. I realized that it was not my body that was rising, but what some call the ’spiritual self’. Not wanting to succumb to that force, I willed my spirit down and again I had to close my eyes to be able to concentrate on what I wanted to overcome.

[Image from astraldynamics.com]

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I fought with this force by sheer willpower to keep my spirit in my body and had to simultaneously will myself awake. Eventually, I did win the ‘fight’ and woke up without any problems.

If a bad dream happened once, I will forget about it soon enough. If it happened twice, it might be just stress. But THIS happened almost EVERY NIGHT for the next 3 MONTHS or so. As the occurrence increased, I begin to really doubt that it is just some nightmare.

Now that I think back, the reason that I did not tell anyone about my experience is because I was hoping that it would just go away. By telling someone about it, it was akin to acknowledging that it is NOT a nightmare and that would have really scared me to death. I would just go to sleep every night, hoping to not encounter it again. But it will just happen over and over and over again.

I do not know what will happen if I let the force lift my spirit away. Every night is like a battle for survival.

Having countless nights battling, I know that fatigue in my waking moments plays a big part. The more tired I am when I am before I sleep, the more likely I am to have that experience. It happens so often that it has almost become a routine.

I sleep. I open my eyes to find myself not being able to move. I check my surroundings. I encounter the force that pulls me up. I will myself down. I close my eyes to concentrate. I focus to move one of my arms. If I focus hard enough, I would wake up assured when I see my hand in front of my face. I go back to sleep. And sometimes, I will encounter it a few times the same night.

That was it? No. There was one night when I lost the fight to keep my spirit down…

Stay tuned for Part III(Finale)…